"Mommy, today was pajama day...and you didn't put me in pajamas!"

Getting off the bus today: "Mommy, today was pajama day...and you didn't put me in my pajamas!  My friends were all in their pajamas...and you forgot!"

Cue the tears...for both of us.  Despite it being on my calendar in big bold letters and me even having a reminder set on my phone, I did the unthinkable.  I forgot.  And while I don't think this moment will traumatize my son for life, today my mistake made his day worse.  He probably felt left out.  He probably felt embarrassed that he was the only one not in his pajamas.  And I made him feel that way.

This mommin' gig ain't easy, folks.  Some days, you feel like you're doing okay, other days you feel like a total failure.  And today was definitely one of those days.

I just wish there was more of me to go around.  A me to keep up on the laundry, housecleaning, and cooking.  A me that is great at my job and helps provide for my family.  A me whose sole job is to take care of the children.  A me to be the wife my husband deserves.  A me that could focus on her personal health and well-being.  I wish I never had to choose between snuggling my children and making plans for work.  I wish I didn't always feel like spending quality time with my husband was this urban myth that only happens in the fairy tales.  I wish I didn't have to choose between my house being clean and getting in a workout.  But the reality is, there is only one me.  And I DO have to choose what gets done...because I simply can't do it all.

I can do the best I can at balancing each facet of my life, but at the end of the day, if I'm doing something really well...then everything else is going to shit.  Or if I'm truly trying to do it all, then it's all only getting done half-assed.

There's just not enough of Mommy.  And I can't imagine I'll ever feel like there is.  So for now, I just hope I can get by...and hopefully not miss the next pajama day.

Midland Holiday Pines 2017

Saturday afternoon, we carried on our yearly holiday tradition of going to Midland Holiday Pines to pick out a Christmas tree.  My sister Nicole came with us and took a few pictures.  This is the 12th year we've gotten our tree from them.  Such a fun tradition!

Quiz your Preschooler (not quite 4 years old)

What's your name?

My name is Ollie.

How old are you?

I'm three!

When is your birthday? 

Um...July 5th!

How old is daddy?

Um...34.

How old is mommy?

33

What's your favorite color? 

My favorite color is green...and yellow.

What's your favorite food? 

My food is meat (not true).

Who's your best friend? 

Um...you! (mommy)

What's your favorite show?

My show is YouTube (which he can navigate way too well).

What's your favorite movie?

My movie is called Brave.

What's your favorite song? 

My song is called Hair Up.

What's your favorite animal? 

My animal is a snail.

What are you scared of? 

I'm scared of lions.

What makes you happy? 

It makes me happy to eat.  That's what makes me happy.

What's your name?

Um, Nolan!

How old are you?

Three

When is your birthday? 

Um...four.  No! July 5th!

How old is daddy?

Um....34

How old is mommy?

Um...5?  You 5? I don't know your birthday.  I think you're thirty-five.  No, what's your number?

What's your favorite color? 

It's red and orange.

What's your favorite food? 

Um...radishes.

Who's your best friend? 

Um...Tallulah.  Tallulah is a girl.

What's your favorite show?

It's the colors show.

What's your favorite movie?

It's the mouse movie from the library.  The one we got at home. (Tale of Despereaux)

What's your favorite song? 

Can't Stop the Feeling....all the songs on my video (slideshow from school).

What's your favorite animal? 

It's a troll!

What are you scared of? 

Lions and tigers....and bulldozers.

What makes you happy? 

Mommy

What's your name?

Lucas

How old are you?

Um...three

When is your birthday? 

I don't know...I think it's hard.

How old is daddy?

I don't know!

How old is mommy?

It's hard.

What's your favorite color? 

Blue and purple

What's your favorite food? 

Cookies

Who's your best friend? 

I don't know...it's just hard.

What's your favorite show?

Ready, Jet, Go

What's your favorite movie?

It's hard!

What's your favorite song? 

Firework

What's your favorite animal? 

I don't know!

What are you scared of? 

Um, I don't know.

What makes you happy? 

I don't know...it's hard!

So Smart!

When James and I found out we were going to have preemies, I worried about what the future might look like for our boys.  Would they have severe cognitive delays?  Vision or hearing impairments? Cerebral palsy?

When we made it to 33 weeks, some of those fears diminished a bit.  But I would be lying if I said I didn't still sometimes worry about them being delayed.  Not that there'd be anything wrong with having a child who was a slower learner, but let's be honest...no parent wants their child to struggle or every feel inadequate.

Our boys all had language delays.  It was a pretty big source of frustration for all of us (mostly them) during the toddler years.  While they still have somewhat of a delay, their speech has dramatically taken off over the past year.  Not only do they ramble on and on, but people can now understand most of what they say.  And I absolutely love watching the conversations that take place between them.

With this language boom has come a realization that our kids are really darn smart!  I know every parent probably thinks this about their kid, but I have to say, I'm just blown away by some of the things they know.

At not quite four years old, we can:

• Read several hundred sight words and lots of primary books.  Ollie and Lucas are reading at a first to second grade reading level.
• Can spell CVC phonetic words (ex: rat, pop, etc).
• Differentiate between consonants and vowels.
• All count to 100.  Ollie knows his numbers up to 1,000 though we always make him stop before he can get there.  He also knows that 1,000,000 is made up of a one and then six zeroes.
• Count by tens.
• Recognize several shapes including: circle, oval, square, rectangle, rhombus, trapezoid, hexagon, octagon.
• Name 10+ colors.
• Differentiate between fruits and vegetables.
• Recite the seven days of the week and the twelve months of the year.
• Identify Kansas, Texas, and California on a map (don't ask).
• Tell when our birthday is.
• Recite our phone number.
• Tell how old we are, and how old Mommy and Daddy are (not sure that's a good thing).

A lot of these things, they've known for quite a while.  It just fascinates me how they soak everything up so easily.

So why am I blogging about this?  Just to brag to everyone about my genius children?  Not really...though I am really darn proud of them!  It's more to be able to look back in a year and see what they can do then.  We definitely have things to work on.  Less academic, more fine and gross motor related (such as dressing themselves, pedaling a tricycle, cutting paper, and holding a crayon properly).  I have no doubt they'll get there.  In the meantime, I'm just enjoying watching them learn something new everyday.

Mispronounced Asherisms

The boys' speech has really improved over this past year.  It's so great that they're able to communicate so much better than before.  Although their words are getting clearer by the day, there are still some things that they don't say quite right.  I find it adorable and I will be sad when the day comes that they don't mispronounce certain words anymore.

Here are some of their cute mispronunciations:

Guacamole: Wok-uh-mol-ee
Green Baby (Ollie's lovey): Grand baby
Yogurt: Whoa-gurt

Dessert: Gizzert
Vanilla: Nanilla
Caterpillar: Calapitter

Last Day of Preschool

The boys recently had their last day of preschool, and honestly, this mama was pretty emotional about it all.  They could be going off to Kindergarten in a little over a year.  How is this possible???

It was hard to say goodbye to each of their teachers.  Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the love, appreciation, and gratitude I feel towards these three ladies.  They have done so much for our boys and I feel forever indebted to them.  The good news is, they will all three have the same teachers when they return in the fall!

Some pictures of their last day...

Feeling Emotional

They say the days are long but the years are short.  And wow, this couldn't be more true.  I've found myself just watching the boys lately and noticing how grown up they are.  The bottles, cribs, and diapers are now long gone.  Our living room that was once full of baby swings, exersaucers, and jumperoos is now scattered with Hot Wheels and magnetic letters.  They're not babies anymore. They are little humans.

And while everyone says age three is the most challenging age, I am absolutely loving this stage of life that we are in.  Don't get me wrong, I could do without the fighting, the whining, and the over-dramatic reactions to EVERYTHING.  But I love how their personalities have really come out.  I love seeing who they are.  I love that we can have conversations about our favorite things and what they want to be when we grow up.

I love seeing how smart they are and watching their love for learning just grow and grow everyday.  I love that I see so much of James and myself in them.  We always joke about how nerdy they are, but we both know they got it from us.  And I truly I couldn't be more proud of them.  I feel like my heart is going to burst every time I watch them read a book for the first time or look into the pantry and ask me what "beef broth" is because they can now read the labels.

They have been going to school this year and their social development has grown tremendously.  All I ever wanted was for them to be able to make a friend and all three of them come home everyday talking about their classmates and how much fun they had with them.  I think about where they all were not even a year ago.  Lucas would run the perimeter at the park the whole time instead of engaging with other kids.  Now, he will walk right up to another kid and say "Hi! I'm Lucas!  What's your name?"  Every time I hear it, it almost brings me to tears.

We are officially in the fourth quarter of the school year and I just don't understand how their first year of preschool can almost be over.  What makes me even more emotional is the thought that they might be going to Kindergarten in just over a year.  It just doesn't seem possible.

I don't think I've ever been this emotional about them growing up.  Their first birthday was truly a celebration that we survived that first year.  Every other milestone we've reached, I feel has had a tinge of sadness behind it, but for the most part I've always welcomed the new stage.  Now, I just want to press pause.  I look at them and I feel like I can see glimpses of them in elementary school, middle school, and even high school.  And honestly, I don't really like it.  I just want them to stay little!

It's crazy to think that one day, I will look back on pictures of them when they were three and think "They were so little!"  Because now all I can think when I look at them is how much they've grown up in such a short period of time.  How they're such big boys.  I hope over the years, they don't lose who they are.  I hope Ollie continues to have that deep desire to stimulate himself intellectually.  I hope he never stops loving books.  I hope Nolan continues to feel so deeply. I hope he can use his emotional sensitivity in a constructive way to help others.  I hope Lucas continues to surprise us.  There was a time I was so worried about this little guy.  I hope he keeps smiling and laughing.

Mostly, I just hope they're all happy. 

When I grow up...

The boys' language is improving everyday and we are at the point now, where I can ask them fun questions, like..."What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Every time I have ever asked this, Ollie's answer is the same: "I be a computer guy!"  Every time. Even when we ask him if he thinks it'd be cool to be a race car driver or something equally exhilarating, it's always the same.  Computer guy.  He knows what he wants.  And I could absolutely see it happen.  The kid is brilliant and loves everything technology.  Whenever we go to James' work, he loves to "help Daddy".  It's rather adorable.

Nolan's answers have changed quite a bit.  He also has expressed interest in being a "computer guy", but has also mentioned doctor, nurse, mail carrier, astronaut, baseball player, and "robot builder", which is his most recent ambition.  He once told me when he grows up, he wants to talk with people about feelings.  Future therapist perhaps?  He's got some time to figure it all out.

Lucas typically just repeats whatever Nolan or Ollie says.  So, he is often also interested in being a "computer guy" as well as other things.  One time he said he wanted to be a mailbox, so there's that. The most recent one tends to be an astronaut.  As if Mommy would ever let him that far out of her sight...