Update on OHSS

My mom pointed out to me today that I haven't updated my blog in a while.  I guess I haven't had much to report other than the fact that my OHSS symptoms seem to be getting worse and worse.  I'm pretty much constantly in some sort of pain, whether it's my upper abdomen area, chest pains, ovarian region, sides, or collarbone.  Breathing has become difficult and I really just don't have much energy.  Sometimes the symptoms just make me feel a little uncomfortable, other times I'm in excruciating pain. 

The other night at like 3 AM, it got so bad that James asked me if I needed to go to the ER.  I didn't want to do that, but I was feeling miserable, so we called the on-call doctor.  He had me take a one-time Percocet to help me with the pain so I could sleep a little and then insisted that I come in first thing in the morning to be seen.  Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do for OHSS.  If you're bloated enough, they can drain the fluid out.  They typically only do this in the most severe cases, where patients are gaining large amounts of weight (2+ lbs a day).  I've actually lost 5 lbs since my retrieval (just can't seem to eat much at a time without feeling really full), so they didn't see any reason to drain me.  My doctor gave me some prescriptions to help me feel more comfortable and told me to get lots of rest.

So now, I'm just taking it easy.  I feel like I've missed so much work lately but have the feeling I might have to continue half days for the beginning of next week.  We'll see....

I have to continue to tell myself that this will all worth it in the end....that when I get to hold my baby in my arms, I won't even remember all this pain. 

Embryo Transfer

If you read my "OHSS" post, you know that the last 24 hours have been rough for the Ashers.  A lot of anxiety of not knowing...

But despite all that, we were able to do our transfer today!  It was a very busy day over at RRC, so we unfortunately had a bit of a wait, but my nerves were pretty calm.  I guess Valium will do that to you!  We went back and did the whole "undress from the waist down" thing and then the doctor came in.  She gave us an update on our embryos, saying they were all doing well and that they picked out the two most perfect ones to transfer.  And then they put them under a microscope and showed them to us on a TV that had set up in the room.  Granted they both just looked like two grey circles, but knowing that we were looking at our babies was just such an awesome experience!  They then got started with the procedure.  I was told it was pretty painless, but still thought I might have some discomfort considering my full bladder and all the other issues I've been dealing with lately.  Luckily, it was a walk in the park.  Very quick.  Very painless.  When we were finished, they had me relax for about 15 minutes then I was told I could go.

I'm currently on bedrest for today and tomorrow.  Then on Thursday, I'm released to go back to work.

I have to say, I really feel good about all this.  I've had doubts at various times throughout this whole journey, but right now...I just feel so positive about it.  I truly think this is it!  We have to wait a while until everything is confirmed, but until then...as far as I'm concerned, I'm pregnant until proven otherwise!

I've got two of these beauties snuggling on in right now!

OHSS

It's been 5 days since my egg retrieval surgery and I've been unpleasantly surprised at how rough the recovery has been.  This weekend I tried to back off my pain pills, so I only took ibuprofen until bed time when I caved and went ahead and took a Percocet.  Meanwhile, I was experiencing some rather uncomfortable symptoms: severe abdominal bloating (like I literally look 3 months pregnant), upper pain in my abdomen below my ribs, and constant side aches (the kind you get when you run).  This all kind of surprised me.  I expected to feel ovarian pain, but it didn't seem to make sense that I was feeling so much discomfort in these other places.

Yesterday was my first day back at work.  And honestly, I think I overdid it.  That aching feeling in my side continued to get worse throughout the day and I was having a hard time catching my breath.  By the time I got home around 6:00, I was pretty much out for the count.  I plopped down on the couch and didn't move for the rest of the night.  When I went to bed, I was feeling awful.  The pain had inched all the way up my right side to my collarbone/shoulder.  Aside from the fact that I felt horrible, I was freaking out that this couldn't be normal and that they were going to cancel my embryo transfer.  Not gonna lie...I kind of just sobbed uncontrollably into my pillow for about 15 minutes.  Luckily I had my wonderful hubby by my side who did a great job of consoling me until I was able to calm down.

This morning I woke up praying that we'd be able to go through with our transfer.  My nurse called around 8:15 and we chatted for a while about my symptoms.  She then had me talk to my doctor for a while who went ahead and diagnosed me with OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome).  This was something that I was told to watch out for.  It often happens with women who undergo fertility treatment and can have various levels of severity.  Symptoms can include: abdominal bloating, nausea, diarrhea, excessive thirst, rapid weight gain (sometimes as much as 2+ lbs a day), infrequent urination, chest pain, and shortness of breath.  I have not experience all these symptoms luckily.  No weight gain or problems with urination.  I was feeling really nauseous for the first few days after surgery, but that's subsided.  Mostly, it's just the major discomfort from my ovaries being so enlarged and fluid leaking out and pushing all my insides up into my ribs.

After talking to the doctor she said we have two options:

1. Cancel the transfer and freeze the embryos.  If we did this my symptoms would mostly likely go away with in a couple days...but of course, I wouldn't be pregnant.
2. Continue with the transfer as planned.  Doing this would prolong my symptoms...possibly up to 2-10 weeks.  However, it would not affect our chances of getting pregnant or hurt the baby in any way if we were to get pregnant. 

So, clearly...we went with option number two.  This was at about 8:30 this morning when we decided this.  By 9:30 we were in the car on our way to do the transfer!  Needless to say, it was a very emotional 24 hours not knowing what was going to happen, but I'm very pleased that we were able to continue with things as planned.

Shots in the Butt!

One thing I've dreaded from the beginning of this whole IVF thing was the progesterone shots.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of needles.  You really can't be when going through this whole thing.  In the last month and a half, I've given myself 65 shots in the stomach and I've had my blood drawn 8 times.  When I had my surgery, it took 3 attempts to get my IV in.  Needles I can do.

However, all the shots I've had to give myself so far have been subcutaenous (just under the skin) shots into my stomach.  The needles were either little insulin needles or 27 gauge, 1/2 inch long needles (both pretty small).  These progesterone in oil shots are 22 gauge needles that are an inch and half long.  They're huge.  And they're intramuscular shots, which means they're injected directly into my butt.  Yikes!

I had to take my first one yesterday.  Since they go in my butt, I can't really do them myself, so James has gotten to do the honors.  I'm not going to lie...I was terrified the first time.  I iced it for 5-10 minutes beforehand, because I had heard that numbing it a bit can help relieve some of the pain.  James didn't seem to have any nerves about stabbing a giant needle in my butt.  In fact, I fear he may have even liked it a little.  But when it was all said and done...it really didn't hurt bad at all! 

Today's went well too, though now that the numbness has worn off, my butt muscle is a little sore.  The point is...I've survived two days of progesterone shots.  I feel like I can tackle the world!

Post-surgery Update

I went in at 7:15 yesterday morning for my egg retrieval surgery.  Long story short - they were able to retrieve 15 eggs during the procedure, which my husband and I were both pleased with.  After about an hour in recovery, I was able to go home.  I felt okay, until my pain pills started to wear off.  I'm one of those people who can't seem to take anything for pain without horrid side effects.  Hydrocodone (Lortab/Vicodin) makes me vomit, propoxyphene (Darvocet) makes my tongue swell, and apparently oxycodone (Percocet)makes me itchy.  And to think some people use these drugs recreationally.  No thank you!

We decided to go with the lesser of three evils and have my doctor prescribe Percocet.  We ran into a problem, however, when the pharmacy at the hospital (where James was planning on picking up my prescription during my surgery) didn't carry Percocet.  So, the doctor gave him a paper script and told him to take it to our pharmacy on the way home (they won't accept faxed scripts for heavy narcotics).  James dropped me off first and helped me get settled on the couch, then went to get my prescription filled.  Turns out, the pharmacy won' accept handwritten scripts for heavy narcotics, so they wouldn't fill it.  We had to make numerous phone calls to get things figured out and James ended up having to go across town, back to my doctor's office, to get a HANDWRITTEN script, then back to the pharmacy to get it filled.  In the meantime, I had a nice 2 hour long window of no pain pills in my system.  NOT GOOD!  Luckily, I had some ibuprofen that I was able to take in the meantime.

The rest of the day I spent resting on the couch.  Once I got the Percocet, I was able to stay on top of the pain for the most part, but was feeling really nauseous.  It's hard to say what was causing it...could've been the anesthesia, pain pills, other medicine, stomach bug (since I wasn't feeling very well the day before the surgery either).  Anyway, since then, that's been the biggest annoyance.  The actual pain from the surgery itself is nothing compared to the feeling of needing to vomit everytime you sit up or open your eyes

I slept okay last night and have continued to rest on the couch all of today.  I got a call around 11:00 from the embryologist.  Out of the 15 eggs they retrieved, they were able to inject 14 of them using ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection).  Out of those 14, 6 of them fertilized.  I'm kind of disappointed that less than half of them fertilized, but we can only hope that everything will go smoothly from here and on Day 5...maybe we'll still have 6 healthy embryos!

We'll get our next embryo report on Monday.  They're going to leave them alone until then so they can grow like crazy!

Hoping for a good report Monday!

For now...a fun pre-surgery pic:

This would be me pretending to be the Big Bad Wolf/Grandmother from Little Red Riding Hood.  The sad thing was that I wasn't even doped up yet when this picture was taken.  Gotta do something to pass the time!

Rough Night

These last 24 hours have been rough. I've already been feeling really uncomfortable. I feel like my ovaries are the size of canteloupes and could explode at any moment.  Walking around (particularly at work) has been a struggle and I've felt a tremendous pressure on my bladder.  I guess I'm getting a sneak preview of what it's like to be preggers.

Last night I did my trigger shot (Ovidrel) and started cabergoline to prevent OHSS since my E2 levels are high. I woke up at 1 AM feeling violently ill. I had to run back and forth to the bathroom 5 different times (finally just ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor). I never actually threw up because I was so worried I'd twist an ovary or something! Needless to say, it was not a restful night and it sure wasn't easy going to work today. First graders aren't very forgiving when you don't feel good...

I talked to my nurse and she thinks the nausea was most likely due to the cabergoline. She's now going to have me take it vaginally (TMI?) instead of orally. Not all that thrilled about this...but I'll do whatever it takes to not have a repeat of last night.

Tomorrow is the big day. I'll be heading to the hospital for surgery in T minus 9 hours!  I feel ready. Nervous?  Yes.  Excited?  Absolutely.  But mostly...I'm just ready to be done with all this.  It's been a long road.  Some parts of the IVF process were honestly not as bad as I expected them to be...while others were much tougher than I had ever anticipated.  It's an experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy but at the same time has brought me closer to my husband and has shown me how amazingly supportive my friends and family are.

And I think it's safe to say...this baby is going to be SO wanted and SO loved.

Cycle Day 10 - Retrieval Scheduled!

I went in for my final ultrasound and blood work today. They ended up counting 20 follicles (11 in the left and 9 in the right). 8 of those measured at 18 mm or higher, which means those 8 are ready. My nurse suggested waiting one more day to see if we could get more of them to that size. So we tentatively made the plan for a Friday retrieval, pending my estradiol results (if estradiol gets too high, you're at risk for OHSS - ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome).

Later in the afternoon, I got the call back from my nurse with my estradiol levels. They want them to be no higher than 3,000. Mine were 3829. They decided to bump our egg retrieval to Thursday morning. Another day of stims could result in OHSS and we definitely don't want to go there!

So, tonight I will take one final dose of Lupron (no Menopur, Gonal-F, or HCG). Then at exactly 9:45 (it has to timed perfectly), I will take Ovidrel, which is the trigger shot that matures the eggs. In addition to this, I will start an oral medication called Cabergoline tonight to help prevent OHSS. I will have to take this for the next 7 days. My nurse informed me that it can cause dizziness and if I get too dizzy from it, I can take it as a vaginal suppository. That doesn't sound all that fun to me, so hopefully I'll do fine with taking it orally.

Thursday morning, I report to Overland Park Regional at 7:15 AM.  We will know before I leave the hospital how many eggs they were able to retrieve.  They will give us an update the following day to tell us how many have fertilized.

I'm starting to feel both excited and nervous. I kind of wish we had that one more day to hopefully get more mature eggs, but I trust my doctor/nurse know what they're doing. I obviously don't want to put myself at risk of getting OHSS by stimming one more day.

Just hoping I have enough eggs for this to be successful and hopefully have some leftover to freeze for the future!

Cycle Day 6 - Good News!

Wow, what a day!  After hosting 20 people yesterday for Thanksgiving, I got up early this morning for my 7:45 AM doctor's appointment. Since I had family in town, James stayed home to entertain and I had my sister Maggie come with me.

Technically, the doctor's office wasn't open today (because of the holiday), but because there were women that had to have scans done, a couple nurses came in for a few hours to get everyone done.  I was kind of worried there would be a long wait since they told everyone who needed to be seen to come in at 7:45, but I ended up being quite impressed with how quickly I was able to get in and out of there.  I was first in line to get my labs done and I only had to wait like 5 minutes in the waiting room before going in for my ultrasound. 

During my ultrasound, they found 6 follicles in my right ovary and 11 in my left.  17 follies?  Not bad!  They measured kind of small, which my nurse said wasn't bad, it just meant they weren't quite ready yet.  We decided to change my Monday ultrasound appointment to Tuesday, when she thinks they should be more ready.  That means the retrieval will probably end up being next Thursday or Friday.

Nurse Marci called me later in the morning to inform me that my estradiol levels are looking great.  At this point they want them around 600 and mine were 783, which I guess is good!  This was a relief after hearing on Tuesday that they were still slightly low.  I was instructed to continue my shots as is for today and tomorrow.  Then starting on Sunday, I will start taking smaller doses of the Menopur, Gonal-F, and HCG.

So, it seems like we're on track with everything.  This time next week, I should be recovering from my retrieval surgery!  I'm really excited!

Thanksgiving 2012

We had a lovely Thanksgiving at our house yesterday with 19 of our family members (my parents, siblings, nieces, in-laws, aunts, and cousins).  Our house was full, but the weather was beautiful and the kids and dogs played out in the backyard for most the day.  We had a ton of food and it's very possible that I gained 10 lbs.

For the second year in a row, I had a turkey success.  I stuffed it with a granny smith apple, garlic, jalapeno, and sage leaves...and then wrapped it in an apple cider butter soaked cheese cloth.  It was moist and juicy and golden brown.  I heard from many that it was "the best turkey ever".  I must admit, it wasn't bad!

The night ended with my older sister drunk dialing another one of our sisters and me owning my family in Phase 10.  Good times!

And the cycle continues...(woohoo!)

I went in and had my E2 (estradiol) levels checked this morning. I was really nervous about this blood test, since this was the one that caused us to have to cancel our cycle last time. I had my phone on me all day at work waiting for "the call".

My nurse finally called around 1:30. She said my levels were much better than they were last time. I went from a 40 to a 95. This is still a little on the low end (they want them to be between 100 and 300 at this point), but she said we're fine to continue with our existing cycle. So the plan for now is to continue the same dose of shots that I'm taking right now. Then I'll go in Friday morning for an ultrasound to check the size of my follicles to make sure they're being stimulated enough from the shots. I'll have one final ultrasound at the beginning of next week, then (hopefully) we can do the egg retrieval later in the week.

The countdown is on. Come on, stims....work your magic!

Cycle Day 2

Yesterday (the official day 1 of my new IVF cycle), I started back up with the fertility meds: Menopur and Gonal-F, as well as Microdose Lupron and HCG.  It's a total of 5 shots a day (because I have to take the Lupron in the morning and evening), but my nurse showed me how to mix the Menopur, Lupron, and HCG in the evening, so I'm actually only giving myself 3 injections a day.  It took me almost 30 minutes to mix everything up last night (I feel like a chemist) but this evening I got it all done from start to finish in less than 15.

The shots are definitely not pleasant, but what's worse than the injections themselves is the constant headache I've had since Friday.  At first I attributed it to a stressful week at work.  Then on Sunday, I thought maybe it was a hangover because I had drowned my sorrows during the horrid K-State game (and because it was the last night I was allowed to drink).  Then today it was even worse.  I'm pretty sure it's the Lupron.  I follow quite a few fertility blogs and headaches seem to be a common side effect of this drug with many women.

I've also been really irritable today.  It could be a side effect of the drugs...or maybe I'm just grumpy.  It's hard to say.  It may have had something to do with the fact that I had to buy another $1500 of meds this morning.

Anyway, tomorrow's a big day.  I'll go in first thing in the morning for lab work.  They'll be checking my estradiol levels again and hopefully the phone call I get tomorrow afternoon will be a happy one saying I can continue my cycle.  Cross your fingers!

Week 3 - I'm Thankful For...

Day 15 - I'm thankful for Pay Day!
Day 16 - I'm thankful for my amazing para(s).  Jessica saved the day yet again.  Don't know what I'd do without her!
Day 17 - I'm thankful for my parents....and hoping my mama recovers soon from the stomach flu so she can come spend Thanksgiving at our place!
Day 18 - I'm thankful that I have a reliable car that is finally paid off!
Day 19 - I'm thankful for modern technology.  I can't imagine living without my DVR, iPhone, lap top, Kindle, etc.  It may sound materialistic, but life is just so much more convenient with these things in it.
Day 20 - I'm thankful that my labs came back okay today and that I'm able to continue my IVF cycle.  Along with this, I'm very thankful for Nurse Marci who has rooted for me every step of the way. 
Day 21 - I'm thankful that I have a job that gives me a 5-day weekend for Thanksgiving!  I'm SO happy to have the day off today!

FACEBOOK is like a TRAIN WRECK

Facebook is like a train wreck...no matter how crappy it might make you feel, you just can't seem to look away.

I'm having one of those nights.  My Facebook is being flooded with pictures of my friends with their new babies or with their cute little baby bumps or sonogram photos.  You would think that after looking for the first couple minutes and getting moderately depressed, that I would stop...but nope!

Why do we do this to ourselves?  I know for a fact that I'm not the only one who does this.  But seriously...why?  Why do we torture ourselves to look at things like this when we know it's just going to make things worse?  I wish I had the self-control to just stop...close the computer...and put it away.  I think I need to take a Facebook hiatus.

"Righty" Takes a Vacation

*Disclaimer - This post includes TMI words and phrases like transvaginal and inner parts.  If you're not into that, you may want to stop reading now.

I went in today for blood work and an ultrasound. All my ultrasounds (I've had 5 so far) have been transvaginal. So, in the movies when you see women go in and have the wand rubbed on their belly and then a cute picture of a little peanut shows up, and they're all emotional and happy and stuff...yeah, that's not really how my experiences have been.

Rather, I have to lay there, getting my inner parts probed while worrying that I might pee myself (it hasn't happened yet). And of course, there's never really anything to see...just blackness (and I guess a uterus and ovaries). Or in today's case, an ovary. While doing my ultrasound today, she looked and looked and was never able to find my right ovary. We've seen it before, so we know I have one...but I guess it was hiding. They didn't seem to be concerned about my ovary being on vacation, so I figured I didn't need to be either.

The rest of my appointment went fine. I sat with Nurse Marci and talked about the new meds I'm going to be starting soon. I start the microdose Lupron on Friday. I have to give myself morning and evening injections for that.

Then on Sunday, I will start taking Gonal-F and Menopur again. Instead of one vial of Menopur a day, I'm now going to have to take 3 vials a day. I will start HCG shots that day as well. So, as if we hadn't yet spent enough on meds, we're going to be ordering another $1000 worth.

As my nurse said today, if it all works and we get our baby...we won't care about the cost. And if it doesn't? Well, we're going to be one really poor pissed off babyless couple.

Next Tuesday I will go back in for bloodwork. That will be the big estradiol/progesterone test that will determine whether we can move forward. I'll be glad when that day is over, because I'm still feeling a little anxious about this whole thing happening again. We're definitely making changes to prevent the low estradiol levels, I'm just hoping it's enough! I guess we'll know next Tuesday...

Week 2 - I'm Thankful For...

My last post was getting rather lengthy, so I decided I should probably do these "I'm Thankful For..." posts by the week.

Day 8 - As silly as it may seem, I'm thankful for good well-written television shows (namely Homeland and Dexter).  AMAZING!

Day 9 - I'm thankful that I have awesome coworkers to help get me through the day.  I have a really tough class this year and honestly, I couldn't do it without the support of my A Pod Amigas!

Day 10 - I'm thankful to be an aunt to 5 nieces, 5 nephews, and 3 step nieces.  Today, I'm especially grateful for my oldest niece, Monica, who is celebrating her 21st birthday tonight!

Day 11 - I'm thankful for music.  We had the pleasure of listening to some live jazz down at 18th and Vine last night.  We had an amazing time!

Day 12 - I'm thankful for fellow IVFers who have helped me through this process.  As supportive as all my friends and family are, no one really understands what you're going through unless they too have been through it. 

Day 13 - I'm thankful for our house.  Even though we've lived here for a year and a half now, I still sometimes just look around and feel so grateful that this is where we live. 

Day 14 - I'm thankful for my student teacher.  Not only does she bring me lunch on Wednesdays, but she also busts her butt to teach our very tough class.  AND she puts up with my grumpiness which has happened more often than I'd like to admit.

Week 1 - I'm Thankful For...

The latest trend on Facebook is for people to post everyday what they're thankful for.  I don't want to flood Facebook with daily updates, so I decided I'll do it on here instead.

Day 1 - I'm thankful for my amazing husband.  We've been through A LOT in the past year and he's been by my side through it all.  I'm lucky to have him in my life.

Day 2 - I'm thankful for the support of my family and friends as we go through this whole IVF thing.  We had a pretty big setback this week, and I was amazed at how supportive everyone was.  My student teacher brought me a bottle of wine the day after I found out we were going to have to cancel our cycle.  A former student's mom (who has also been through IVF) left me a super sweet card and Starbucks gift card in my mailbox one morning.  And my good friend Kara sent me a card all the way from South Carolina with some encouraging words.  People have shared kind words, prayers, and hugs with me...and all of these things have helped me through this tough time.

Day 3 - I'm thankful for my alma mater.  We got to go to Manhattan for the KSU vs. OSU game and had a blast.  I've always been proud to be a wildcat, but this year that pride has been taken to a whole new level.

Day 4 - Despite all the medical bills that are piling up for us right now, I am thankful that James and I both have good jobs that are allowing us to be able to pay for IVF.  It's so tragic that some people never get the opportunity to be parents because they are in similar situations as us but cannot afford the treatment.  We are very fortunate for this to be an option for us.

Day 5 - I'm thankful for the snuggly pup that's keeping my feet warm right now.  Kahlua's had some health problems this past year and I'm just really grateful she's still with us.  Hopefully she has many more years ahead of her!

Day 6 - I'm thankful for Happy Hour.  Good drinks, good food, and good quality time with friends.  Nothing beats that!

Day 7 - I'm thankful for my sisters and that we can talk on the phone for hours!

New IVF Timeline

After the news we received Tuesday, I had to take a couple days to just be sad and mad.  Then I decided I was done with that.  The bottom line is, this all sucks...a lot.  I thought I was going to be going into surgery next week and now I'm not.  But I can't change any of it.  And being pissed off isn't going to make things any better.  So, I've accepted it. 

With that being said, we now have a new timeline for everything.  I'm currently back on birth control pills to restart the suppression phase.  It seems like such a setback, but again...it's beyond my control.  I will remain on the pill until 11/13.  At that time, I will have to go in for my suppression ultrasound and labs to check my progesterone and estradiol again.  Hopefully my levels will all be where they need to be at that time.

Assuming everything checks out normal, I will then start back up with the Dexamethasone and a new microdose Lupron on 11/16.  Unfortunately, I have to throw out the old $200 vial that I already have.  And instead of taking the Lupron once a day like I was previously, I will have to do morning and evening injections. 

On 11/18, I will add back the Gonal-F and the Menopur injections.  I will have labs to monitor everything on 11/20, 11/23, and 11/26, and I'll also have ultrasounds on 11/23 and 11/26.

Our new tentative date for the retrieval surgery is 11/28, 11/29, or 11/30 (depending on the results from my labs and scans on 11/26).  The transfer will be five days after the retrieval, so that'll end up putting it on 12/3, 12/4, or 12/5.

So, that's our current timeline.  Let's hope we can stick with the plan this time. 

Sad and Disappointed

This morning I went in for labs to get my estradiol levels checked to make sure we can continue with our cycle as planned.  I was told that if my levels aren't high enough, it's possible that they might cancel the cycle at this point.  Despite hearing this, I never really thought this would happen.

I waited and waited for my doctor's office to give me a call this afternoon with my lab results.  3:00 rolled around and I still hadn't heard from them.  I sent them a message via the patient portal and my nurse quickly responded with, "I'm visiting with Dr. Brabec about your results.  I'll call you soon."  When I saw that, I had the feeling the results weren't good.  She called me a few minutes later and told me that my levels were really low.  I guess they're supposed to be between 100 and 400 and mine were at 40.  She said she thought my body was "over-suppressed" from the Lupron and that I would probably require a lower dose.  She then told me that if we were to continue with this cycle, I probably wouldn't have very many eggs for the retrieval.

So, basically, they want to stop everything now and start over.  Not only do I have to stop taking all my shots, but I also have to go back on birth control.  I can't begin to tell you how sad and disappointed I am.  I really thought I would be having my retrieval surgery next week.  Now I'm being told, it may not happen until the last week of November.  I understand that if my body isn't reacting properly, this is the best thing to do right now, but it just sucks.  A LOT.

They're supposed to call me again tomorrow so we can get things figured out.  We'll see what happens...

My Tummy is a Pin Cushion

I've been taking Lupron injections for over a week now, and it's been a piece of cake.  Truly, the needles are tiny, and you don't feel a thing when it's going in.

Today I added Gonal-F and Menopur to my daily injections.  That's...one...two...three shots!  Not only did it take 20+ minutes to mix everything up (I was a little paranoid about doing it right), but I also feel like my tummy is now a pin cushion.  I did the Gonal-F first and right away noticed a difference in the needle.  It's not that much bigger than the Lupron needle, but it is bigger, and surprisingly, I could tell.  It bled a little afterwards and was sore.  Next, I did the Menopur.  I'd heard from a friend that this one burns going in.  And that was definitely an accurate statement.  Ouch!  Finally, I ended with the Lupron, because I knew that one was easy.  And it hurt too, which shocked me because it never hurts!  I tried to use three different injection sites, but I'm wondering if I was too close to where I administered my first injection.

Anyway, this is what I get to do for the next 10 days.  I'm thinking some pre and post icing is going to be in order.

Oh well.  Could be worse...

Meds

In case you were wondering...this is what $2000 of fertility meds looks like. The four tall boxes in the back cost us  $1400.

infertile.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines infertile as: not fertile or productive; incapable of or unsuccessful in achieving pregnancy.  Dictionary.com has a similar definition, only adds the words sterile and barren.

All my life this word has been a fear of mine.  Not for any particular reason.  I didn't have any reason to believe something was wrong with me...that I couldn't have kids.  But yet, to me, it's always been one of the saddest things I could possibly imagine.  Not getting the chance to be a mom?  Literally my worst nightmare.

This nightmare became a reality to James and me this past summer.  After (roughly) a year of trying to conceive, we both started undergoing some tests.  In July, it was confirmed that we could not get pregnant on our own.  The news was, of course, devastating....yet, after a year of monthly letdowns and breakbreaks, I think we were kind of expecting to hear that.

My doctor referred us to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist), so we made an appointment with them to discuss our options.  We met with Dr. Brabec from RRC (the Reproductive Resource Center) on September 24th.  That was the day things changed for us.  We were given a sense of hope that, for a year, didn't exist in our lives.  We were told that our best (only?) bet would be to do IVF.  Again, this recommedation didn't really come as a shock to us.  It was kind of what we were expecting to hear.  Our appointment that day lasted about 3 hours.  We had our IVF consultation and also both did some tests and lab work.  When we left the doctor's office, we both knew this was what we were going to do.  It wasn't "normal" and it wasn't "fair", but it was our reality.

And that's the reality that we've been living for the last 3 weeks.  Since we have begun our IVF cycle, I've taken 50 pills, given myself 5 shots in the stomach, had my blood drawn 3 different times, had 3 ultrasounds, and one very painful procedure (sonohysterogram).  This is all just the beginning.  This Sunday, I will go from one shot a day to three.  I'm on my way to becoming a big emotional, hormonal mess.

BUT...it's all for a good reason.  And I have full confidence and faith that it will all work out for us.

2013 is going to be our year.  I really do believe it.  We will no longer have to fake smiles at our friends who excitedly annouce, "We're pregnant!"  And we will no longer have to feel the pain of another unsuccessful month rolling by. 

It's going to be our turn.  And we couldn't be more excited...

Marathon Relay

Yesterday was the big day.  I got up at 4:45 AM.  If you know me, you know that I don't do 4:45 AM.  I met up with one of my teammates, Becky, and we carpooled downtown together.  We joined the rest of the team (aside from our first leg who was already at the starting line) at the shuttle buses.  Around 6:30, we said our "good lucks" to one another and parted ways.  The next couple hours for me were spent on a bus with other people running the 3rd leg of the relay.  We were driven to our exchange points.  Since it was cold and dark outside, most of us stayed on the bus where there was heat.

I got a phone call from Mallory right around 7:30 saying she had finished the first leg of the race with a sub 25 minute time.  Woohoo!  Bobby was next and he was running a 6 mile leg, so I had about an hour before I had to run.  Around 8:15, I got out and starting stretching and warming up.  Mallory ended up joining up with me and saw me off when Bobby got to the exchange point.

I took off and tried to keep up with the pacers.  After the first mile, I started falling back a bit, but I was still running sub 9:00 minute miles (I never said I was fast).  Around mile 2, it started to get really hilly.  At first, I felt like I was doing okay, but then after a while, I was pretty sick of hills.  Around mile 3, my back and ribs started to really bother me (I've had a history of this since a bad back injury 6 years ago).  They continued to bother me for the rest of my leg and I feel like that slowed me down quite a bit.  In the end, I ended up with a time roughly around 37 minutes (a little over 9 minute mile pace).  Overall, I was pleased.

When I was done with my leg, the officials grabbed my timing chip and gave me a participation medal.  I hopped on the bus and once it was full, they took us back to the finish line where I met up with Bobby.  We watched the marathoners run in, which honestly, was a little emotional for me.  It was just so inspiring to see these people finishing strong (or not so strong for some of them) after running over 26 miles.  I can't even imagine.

Mallory and Becky met up with us and we cheered Jenna on and she came barreling down the finishing chute like a champ!  We ended up finishing in 3:54.  Not too bad.  We then went around and got some fun team pictures taken, enjoyed a post-race free beer, and then headed home.

I'll be honest, this past week was crazy (grade cards, field trips, and upcoming conferences).  I was starting to wish I wouldn't have signed up for this relay...especially when I realized how early I was going to have to get up.  But when it was all said and done, I was glad I did it.  It was a fun experience and I like being able to say "I participated in a marathon."  I don't think I'll ever have the desire to do a full marathon myself, but maybe in a few years, if my body cooperates with me, I'll try out a half.  We'll see...

And now...some pictures:

Our Team - Post Race

Kickin' Asphalt

Runners or Olympic Gymnasts?

                                                            

I won! I won!

I feel like I just won the lottery (and I never win anything)!  Those of you who are teachers know how big teaching blogs are right now.  Teachers do so much work in their classrooms and shell out a ridiculous amount of their own money (not to mention time) for their students.  Teachers Pay Teachers is a (fairly) new website where teachers can sell their lesson plans and make a bit of a profit.  A Georgian teacher, Deanna Jump, recently passed the $1 million dollar mark selling her lessons/units.  So cool!

Now, back to my original topic.  I won!!!  One of the blogs I follow, Fun in First, had a give away this week.  This teacher went all out making both reading and math assessments that align with the Common Core Standards.  Between the two of them, they are 255 pages long.  Amazing!  I can't begin to imagine how many hours went into this project.  Anyway, she gave away three of these assessment packets (worth $25).  All you had to do was comment on her blog, then she chose three lucky winners.  Over 100 people commented, and...I won!

Some of you may not be able to fully appreciate my excitement, but if you're a teacher...you probably get it.  This seriously made my day!

October Running Log

Once October hit, I kind of started freaking out.  Less than 3 weeks until this marathon relay thing!  So, I decided I should probably start running again.

10/1 - 3.64 mi

10/3 - 2.74 mi

10/4 - 1.27 mi (not much, but I was rushed on time and figured something was better than nothing)

10/7 - 3.0 mi

10/8 - 4.15 mi

10/12 - 2.5 mi
10/13 - 2.5 mi
10/14 - 2.5 mi
10/15 - 3.23 mi
10/16  - 3.0 mi
10/17 - 3.83 mi (6 days in a row...woo!)

10/20 - Race Day - 4 mi

Total mileage - 36.06 miles...not bad for three weeks!

September Workout Log

9/1 - Ran 2.56 miles
9/2 - Ran 2.15 miles
9/3 - Wii "Just Dance" 30 minutes
9/4 - Walked 2.03 miles (with hubby and dog)
9/5 - Wii "Just Dance" 30 minutes
9/6 - Walked 1.05 miles (in the heat with 100+ lbs of bad dogs...harder than it sounds)
9/7 - Didn't get a workout in
9/8 - Ran 3.15 miles
9/9 - Ran 3.2 miles
9/10 - Ran 2.5 miles
9/13 - 20 minutes cardio
9/18 - Ran 2.02 miles
----------------------------
9/19-9/30 - Runner's hiatus (initially due to a foot injury, which then turned into laziness)
----------------------------
Total mileage for the month - 15.06 mi.

Getting Back in Shape!

Over the past year or so, I've been really unhappy with my body and weight.  I've kind of become one of those people who complain about how I look, but then I don't really do anything to fix it.  It's become somewhat of a trend for me to hop on the "My Fitness Pal" bandwagon for a couple weeks or so, then let it go for a few months.  In doing this, I've never really made enough of a commitment to see any results.

I decided I'm over that.  

I recently committed to doing a marathon relay with some coworkers on October 20th.  I'm really determined to do a good job because I'm on a team with people who are all better runners than I am.  To help get myself into shape, I've set a goal for myself.  During the month of September, I'm going to try to exercise in some form EVERYDAY.  I know that life gets busy, so I'm going to define "exercise" as some type of physical activity for 20 minutes or more: walking, running, exercise videos, etc.  

To hold myself accountable, I'm going to keep a log of my exercise on this blog.  Here's what I've done so far:

8/26 - Walk with dog and hubby 3 miles

8/28 - Walk with dog and hubby 1.88 miles

8/30 - Walk/Run with dog and hubby 3 miles

9/1 - Ran 2.56 miles

9/2 - Ran 2.15 miles

Total mileage for the week - 12.59 miles

Hoping I can keep this up!  I'm thinking it's time to buy some new shoes!

Waddell and Reed Marathon Relay

A coworker of mine recently sent out an email to our staff asking if anyone was interested in doing a marathon relay with her in October.  I've always wanted to participate in a marathon but know that I don't have what it takes to run the full 26.2 miles.  So, a marathon relay would be perfect for me!

http://www.waddellandreedkansascitymarathon.org/race-info-team-relay.php

I'm probably in the worst shape of my life right now, so I'm thinking this will be good motivation for me to get back into running/exercising.  I'm running one of the shorter legs (4 miles), so it shouldn't be too bad.

I've already paid and committed, so there's no backing out now!  I'm going to be "Kickin' Asphalt" in T minus 48 days!

101 in 1,001 - The End

So it turns out, my 101 deadline came and I never did do anything else since my last post.  So I ended up accomplishing 61 of the items on my list.  This means I have 40 things that I didn't do.  One of those was to donate $5 to charity for every item not accomplished.  I still plan on doing this (so really, there's only 39 items not accomplished), but because of my financial situation, it will have to happen over time.

So, I've decided within the next year, little by little, I will donate $195 to a variety of charities that mean something to me.  I will definitely donate to the Alzheimer's Foundation in honor of my grandmother who passed away this year.  I also hope to support some local non-profit organizations that some of my friends work for.  

In the meantime, despite the deadline being up, hopefully I can still knock some of these items off my list.

101 in 1,001....time is running out!

Back in 2009, I posted a list of 101 things I wanted to accomplish in the next 1,001 days. My 1,001 days will be up in less than a week.  Looking back on my list, I realized there was a lot on there that I never accomplished.  I'm currently standing at 61/101 accomplished tasks, however with almost a week left, I plan on knocking a few more things off my list.  Allow me to comment on what I have left:

• Visit my grandparents - I was lucky enough to get to see both my grandparents on the Taylor side before my grandma passed away.  However, having this on my list helped me to realize that I haven't seen my Grandma Thornhill once in the last 1,001 days.  That deeply saddens me and makes me realize that I need to make a trip out to Hillsboro to see her.
• Get a brother or sister for the pup - I don't feel bad about this one.  If we were to get another dog, it would be for selfish reasons, and not for her to have a companion.  The truth is, she hates other dogs and would not appreciate a canine sibling.
• Stay at a Bed & Breakfast - I wish we could have done this, but it's something we can aim for in the future.
• Sing karaoke with my husband - Perhaps someday...if he's really drunk!
• Make out in the rain - We should have done this on the float trip! 
• Go on a walk with my husband and dog every month - This was a good goal, but was hard to do when weather got bad.  And the truth is...we got busy.  And lazy. 
• Make a baby/Do a weekly photo documentation of pregancy - This one makes me really sad, but it turns out I did everything in my power to make it happen.  Hopefully someday...
• Go to the dentist twice a year - I ALMOST made this one.  I haven't been yet this year.  Whoops!
• Run 10K/Marathon relay - I would LOVE to get back into running and do both of these.
• Be able to do 50 push ups - I didn't ever really try to do this one.  But I should!
• Try on wedding dress every anniversary - This was a fun thought, but honestly, I just never remembered to do it.  Also, I'm now about 15 lbs heavier than I was the day we got married.  Whoops...sorry James!
• Volunteer at food drive or homeless shelter - My friend Lisa and I had actually scheduled to do this this summer with the kids we nanny.  Sadly, the only day that would work was the day my kiddos were on vacation (and I had to teach summer school).  I'd still like to do it sometime.  Perhaps next summer with the girls!
• Travel outside of US - We actually got to do a bit of traveling, but didn't get to leave the country.  Maybe for our 5 year anniversary we can take a big trip?
• Visit cousins in Florida - I SO need to do this!!!
• Go on a trip over Spring Break - Didn't happen, but NEXT Spring Break, I will be going to Chicago for my friend Diane's bachelorette party!
• Visit a National Park - Well maybe if my parents would have invited me to go to Yellowstone with them....
• Go through stuff at old house - Ugh, this is something I know I need to do, but I seriously dread it!
• Go on a strenuous hike - Hopefully we can get out to Colorado soon and hike up a mountain!
• Blog once a month - I'm SO mad at myself for this one.  I blogged every single month, except for the month of June 2012.  I actually started a blog that month, but never finished it.  Grr...so close!
• Ride a horse - I still really want to do this.  It's been way too long...
• Go skiing - Perhaps we can knock this one off the list along with the "strenuous hike".
• Go snorkeling - Gotta do it!
• Finish Harry Potter series - Perhaps next summer...
• Read all David Sedaris' books - I blame 50 Shades of Gray for this not happening.
• Bake an apple pie from scratch - Yum...but I have to wait for this fall or winter.

The following are items that I didn't do, but I'm going to try to accomplish a few of them within the next week.  Wish me luck!

• Go to Gate's BBQ
• Write a letter to an old friend
• Cook something on the grill
• Clean out my inbox
• Share a recipe with at least 10 people
• Write something and share it with someone
• Write a song
• Go fishing
• Go on a bike ride
• Win big at the casino
• Go to the shooting range
• Buy khakis that actually fit
• Put together a puzzle every year
• Donate $5 to a charity for every item not accomplished

I've decided, I AM going to do the donation thing.  I'd like to donate some to the Alzheimer's Association in memory of my grandma who passed away earlier this summer.  I also have a few girlfriends that work for non-profit organizations that I would love to contribute to.

In addition, I would like to extend my deadline on this list another 1,001 days and see what else I can cross off.  So, on May 14, 2015, we'll see where we're at on everything!  Until then...

A Note to the General Public:

A Note to the General Public:  It is rude to ask someone when they are going to have kids.  Chances are, it's none of your business.  So, don't do it.

That is all.

Return of the Sunday Morning Brunch Tradition

A couple years ago, James and I, along with a few of our friends started doing a weekly Sunday Morning Brunch. I think it all started when one of our friends had a bit too much to drink and ended up spending the night at our house. The next morning, we got up and all had biscuits and gravy together. She then felt like she owed us, so the next weekend, she had us (and a couple others) over to her house for breakfast. Then, it just kind of became a tradition. We didn't do it EVERY week, but we were doing it on a somewhat frequent basis....and I really enjoyed it.

Then for whatever reason (probably everyone being busy, or maybe the fact that we live further away now) we stopped doing it. A couple nights ago, James and I decided we should start it back up. So, this morning we had a couple friends over for Belgian waffles, bacon, and fruit. It was really fun...and gave me an excuse to get up early and clean up the house!

Now, who's hosting next time???

Chicago Trip - Day 4

This was our final day in Chicago.  We got up at a decent hour, met Josh and Jaime for breakfast, then packed our stuff up.  We checked out of the hotel and then headed down to the Shedd Aquarium.  I was fortunate enough to go to the Shedd Aquarium my sophomore year of high school on an NHS trip.  I had loved it then...particularly the penguin exhibit!  This time around, the lines were ridiculous.  We got there and saw what was probably the longest line we've ever seen (we've never been to Disney World).  Anyway, it took almost two hours to get our tickets purchased.  We were tempted to spend an extra $20 a piece to skip the line, but instead just played a lot of back and forth Dice with Friends on my phone.

When we got in we got lunch from one of the concessions (not impressed).  Then started walking around.  Shedd has a great selection of animals and I was yet again, not disappointed.  We saw Belugas, White-sided Dolphins, penguins, jellyfish, seahorses, and lots of other cool fish and sealife!  My favoite was of course, still the penguins!

We got done looking around at 3:30 and walked solemnly back to our car, knowing we had nearly 10 hours of driving ahead of us.  James drove most of the way home, which I appreciated because I got some reading time in.  Dramamine does wonders for those who get carsick, by the way.  We got into Lee's Summit around 12:45, picked up the dog and then headed home. 

It was a great trip...a nice break from everything we had going on, but we sure were happy that night to get to sleep in our own bed!

Chicago Trip - Day 3

Sunday morning we were supposed to get up and join the bridal party and other friends and family for brunch at our hotel.  Needless to say, getting out of bed was....hard.  I was feeling pretty rough.  But I powered through it long enough to go down to brunch, nibble on a bagel, visit with the newlyweds, then head back upstairs to go back to bed.

The rest of the morning/afternoon was a bit of a wash.  James watched golf all day and I slept.  It was seriously the worst I'd felt in a LONG time.  Around 2:30, I forced myself into the shower.  We took a cab back to Monastero's and got our car then went to lunch.  We then went and picked Josh and Jaime up so the four of us could go downtown for an architectural boat tour.

Again, Chicago's parking situation got to us.  Our boat was scheduled to leave at 5:00 and after driving around for nearly 30 minutes looking for parking, we found a garage at the Trump Tower.  It was only about a quarter mile away from where we had to be, but at that time it was 4:45 and we knew they stopped selling tickets for the tour at 4:55.  We booked it on foot to the Wrigley building.  Found the Wendella ticket office and impatiently got in line.  We listened as the lady taking tickets onto the boat called "Two more minutes to board the 5:00 tour!"  At that point, we got to the front of the line and purchased tickets using one of the automated machines, which of course, broke midway through.  So then we had to talk to an actual person at the time booth.  Meanwhile, I hear, "If you want on the 5:00 boat tour, you have 30 seconds to board!"  My heartrate was going double-time.  I was just sure we were going to miss the tour, but we ended up getting our tickets and boarding the boat just in time.

And I must say, I'm glad we did.  The boat tour was one of my favorite parts of the trip.  Chicago is such a beautiful city and it was really cool to see and hear about all the cool buildings there.  We did the combined river/lake tour, so the first half of the tour was along the Chicago River.  We got to see a lot of Chicago's finest architectural structures up close and personal.  We then traveled to the lock system between the river and lake.  The locks are there to control the water flow between the lake and the river.  I was actually quite fascinated by the locks and some of the information they shared about both the river and the lake.  Did you know that the level of the lake is higher than the river?  Also, did you know that the Chicago River's flow was reversed back in 1900 to keep the lake from being contaminated?  Interesting, eh?

After going through the locks, we coasted along Lake Michigan and took in the beautiful skyline view.  On such a hot summer day, it felt so good to be on the lake and having the wind blow on my face.

After the tour, we walked to the Dana Hotel which has a rooftop bar called the Vertigo SkyLounge.  Josh and Jaime had gone there a few nights before and thought we might like it.  The bar had a really cool atmosphere and an awesome view, though the drinks were overpriced ($14 for my mojito) and the customer service was lacking.

The four of us then met Emily and Johnny at a little tapas restaurant called Quartino's two doors down from Vertigo.  We had a nice dinner with them followed by drinks at Rock Bottom Brewery.  It was really nice to see Emily.  For those of you who don't know, she's my friend that I've taught next door to for the last 4 years.  She recently moved out to Chicago less than a month ago because her husband got accepted into grad school at Northwestern. 

Anyway, by the end of the night Mr. Asher had had far too much to drink.  I drove us all back to the hotel, proud of myself for being the responsible, sober one.

Chicago Trip - Day 2

Saturday morning we got up and had breakfast at the hotel.  We then got ready and headed down to Lincoln Park for the morning.  We took a stroll through the Lincoln Park Zoo, which was nice.  Then we walked down to the beach.  We didn't lay out or swim, but enjoyed dipping our feet in the water and taking in the beautiful view.  We then went to Portillo's for a Chicago-style hot dog.  It was at this time that we started to realize the true joy (note my sarcasm) of Chicago parking.  Not only is parking in this city expensive, but it's incredibly hard to find places to park.  By the time we actually got to lunch (around 2:00), we both felt like we might eat our own arms off.

After lunch, we decided to head back to the hotel to take a nap before the wedding.  When we got up, we called our friends Josh and Jaime to see if they wanted to ride with us to the wedding venue.  We met them downstairs and headed to Monastero's Ristorante.  It was a nice, short but sweet ceremony.  I was excited because it was my first (semi) Jewish wedding and they did the whole stomping on the glass at the end, which was cool to see.

After the ceremony, we proceeded to the banquet hall next door and began to take advantage of the open bar.  The night went on with the dinner, cake cutting, dance, photobooth fun, and a trolley or some sort of shuttle ride home that I don't really remember.  Despite the hangover I had the next day, it was a lot of fun!

Chicago Trip - Day 1

My husband and I went to Chicago last weekend for a friend's wedding/anniversary getaway.  The trip came at the perfect time.  I had had a really rough week leading up to the trip and needed an escape.

***Note: Because I tend to get a little wordy in my blogs, I'm breaking our trip down into day by day posts

DAY 1:
We left at the crack of dawn Friday morning.  We decided to drive to save some money since we had just flown to South Carolina earlier in the month.  The drive really wasn't bad until we got into the Chicago area.  It was then that we discovered the dreaded Chicago highway tolls.  Where we live, tolls aren't really a big deal.  If you drive on I-70, you pull up to the toll booth, take your ticket, then an hour or so later, you pull up to another toll booth...give the cashier a dollar or two and you're done.  Chicago must not believe in the simplicity of this system.  First off, we were unaware that the highway we would be driving on was a toll road.  We were also not aware that in Chicago, you have to stop roughly every quarter mile to pay yet another toll.  Oh, and they don't have people at the booths.  Instead, you have to put change (coins only) into the little bucket.  We pulled up and paid 60 cents to the first one.  Then shortly after, paid another $1.50.  Then we had to pay another shortly after that.  At this point, after looking under the seats and emptying out my purse, we realized we didn't really have any coins left.  We pulled off the highway and both searched our phones' GPS for an alternative route.  In the end, we finally got to our hotel, but needless to say, the whole thing probably added another hour to our trip and quite a few gray hairs to our heads.

By the time we got checked in to our hotel, we had about 20 minutes to freshen up and change before heading to the rehearsal dinner.  We met our friends Chrissy and Ben (the couple getting married) and road over to Hota for a cocktail hour and dinner.  The cocktail hour lasted quite a while and the hubby and I may or may not have had a few too many drinks.  It was a fun evening though, and we ended up crashing pretty hard once we got back to the hotel.

A Rough Week

People always say bad things come in threes.  My past week has proven this to be true.  It's been an emotionally exhausting week:

I had to say goodbye to my beloved grandmother, Marjorie Taylor.  Grandma Taylor was an extraordinary woman who touched the hearts of everyone she encountered. She had more love in her heart than anyone I know...love which she shared with her dear husband, 8 children, 25 grandchilren, 26 great greatchildren, many other friends and family, and most of all, the Lord. I strive to be even half the woman she was during her 88 years of life. Grandma and I both shared a love for music, writing, and (mostly) friendly board game competition. I will miss her tremendously.

During this same time, my oldest sister and her family were being evacuated from their home in the Colorado Springs area due to the Waldo Canyon Fire.  They had to grab a select few belongings and flee to her mother-in-law's home near Garden of the Gods.  They spent a few nights there, then were forced to evacuate again when the fire took a turn for the worse, and blew into the Colorado Springs city limits after 65 MPH gusts of winds.  They've been fortunate enough to get to go stay at the Olympic Training Center where my brother-in-law works.  From what I hear, they have been well taken care of there, so that has eased my mind a little.  Even still, I look over photos of this devastating fire and I can't imagine what it would be like to experience this firsthand.  It's terrifying.  My heart goes out to the people of Colorado.

And just when I thought it couldn't get worse, I got a phone call from my sister Margie informing me that my childhood best friend's mom had passed away.  This was the girl whose house I stayed at nearly every weekend as a kid.  Growing up, her mom was like my second mom.  Needless to say, this news came to me like a punch in the stomach.  A flood of emotions came over me.  I was sad for the loss of such a wonderful person.  I also felt a twinge of guilt.  This girl was my BEST FRIEND when I was a kid.  We did everything together.  As adults, our lives went two very separate ways and needless to say, we haven't kept in contact.  I haven't spoken to her in five years and knowing that she's been by her mom's side throughout this horrible disease and that I was nowhere during all this, just made me feel like a horrible person.  I felt even more guilty when I realized I wasn't going to be able to make it to the funeral, as it fell at the same time as our trip to Chicago for Chrissy's wedding.  I fought back and forth with myself as to whether or not I should end my trip early to come back for the funeral.  In the end, I ended up not going.  I hope my friend understands how much my heart breaks for her during this hard time, and I hope I can reconnect with this person who once upon a time was such a big part of my life. 

Summer's Coming!

The end of the (school) year is approaching.  I know this because:

1. It's hot outside.
2. My kids are driving me just a little more crazy than usual. :-)

We're getting out a week earlier than usual because we didn't have any snow days this year.  This is good...and bad.  Good, of course...because (as much as I love my students) I'm ready for a break!  Bad...because I have a gazillion things to do before our last day next Thursday.  Yikes!

Here's a sneak peak at some of the things I'm looking forward to this summer:

• South Carolina - We have friends who live there who we haven't seen in a while, so we're looking forward to seeing them.
• Girls weekend at Lake of the Ozarks - My friend Diane is getting married next April.  This is going to be a bit of an early bachelorette party - a lake pub crawl with her and some of the other bridesmaids.  Should be fun!
• Chicago - Our friend Chrissy is getting married at the end of June.  We're looking forward to the wedding and then spending a few days in Chi-Town to celebrate our 3-year anniversary.
• Starlight Shows - For the past few years, my girlfriends and I have bought a Starlight package for their summer shows.  This year, the package includes seeing In the Heights, Peter Pan, Memphis, La Cage Aux Folles, and then Aida at the new(ish) Kauffman Center.  I always look forward to seeing these shows!
• Table Rock Lake - This will be another girls weekend at the lake.  We've done this for quite a few years.  It's more low-key and chill:  laying out on the dock, boating, etc.
• Float Trip - Our 3rd annual float trip will take place the first weekend of August to celebrate James' birthday.  ALWAYS a good time!

All in all, it should be a fun summer.  I'll also be nannying 40 hours a week for a delightful family whose kids go to our school and taking 3 online classes.  Busy busy! :-)

It's the little things...

I had a rough day today...for reasons that I won't get into. But, needless to say, it was one of those days that you just have to cry it out. I spent a portion of my day feeling sorry for myself, but by the end of the day, I came to a realization: I have amazing people in my life. My husband. My friends. My coworkers. And sometimes it's the little things these people in our lives that make such a difference. I feel truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.

L - Thank you for always being right next door when I need you. For being there when I need someone to vent to and for also understanding when I just don't want to talk about it. I love that you're never afraid to let your voice be heard and that you'll advocate for those who are important to you. You're a great teacher and an incredible friend. Today - thank you for taking my recess duty for me. Such a small act of kindness in the big scheme of things, but it really brightened my day. Thank you.

D - Thank you for your advice and encouraging words. For being real when I need you to be, but also giving me hope. I cherish our friendship....the conversations we have during an afternoon coffee or neighborhood run. Today - thank you for being a shoulder for me to cry on and for "running it out" with me. 4 miles never felt so good! Thank you.

And to my next door neighbor - thank you for helping me haul 8 mulch bags from the backyard to the curb.

This...is EPIC!

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/blogs/2012/03/bruce-springsteen-and-neil-young-sing-sexy-and-i-know-it/

Costco's Preztel Buns...HOLY DELICIOUSNESS!!!

About 6 months ago, I experienced the pretzel bagel for the first time from Einstein's Bagels. Wow. Just wow. They were delicious and I didn't think it could get much better. Well, I was wrong.

I introduce to you the soft pretzel bun from Costco. A girl from my book club recommended them to me this past Thursday, so when my hubby and I went this weekend, we had to give them a try.

Just now, I made a nice quick lunch with them. Incredibly easy. And amazingly delicious.

Pretzel Bun Turkey Sliders:
Costco pretzel buns
Oscar Meyer deli smoked turkey
Sargentos sliced pepperjack cheese
Dijon mustard

I assembled the sandwiches and threw them under the broiler (or you could use a toaster oven, if you have one) for a few minutes until the cheese was melted.

I feel like it's a crime for something so delicious to be so easy!

We definitely like these buns more than the Einstein's bagels. They're just so light and soft. I would happily eat them by themselves with just a little mustard!

Chipotle Commercial

I'm curled up on the couch half-watching the Grammy's and just caught this commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMfSGt6rHos

You must watch it. It's amazing. Bravo, Chipotle (and Willie Nelson).

Long Overdue Turkey Post

I haven't blogged in a while. After Thanksgiving, I really wanted to do a post on my first (rather successful) Thanksgiving Turkey. I never really got around to it. Despite the fact that it's (almost) February, I've decided....better late than never!

So here's my saga:

We normally celebrate Thanksgiving day at the Broswick's in Lee's Summit. Then we head over to Salina the following Saturday for Thanksgiving Part 2 with my family. This year, my parents and aunt and uncle decided to spend Thanksgiving in Arizona. So the whole Salina thing was out. I invited my siblings to join us at our place to celebrate. Along with getting the house cleaned and ready for guests, I got the experience of making my first turkey.

I had a lot of anxiety going into this. Cooking a turkey just sounded....hard. But I was bound and determined to make the best damn turkey anyone ever tasted. So I started researching. I have a subscription to both Food & Wine magazine and The Food Network magazine. Between the two, I was able to figure out anything I wanted to know.

I did an orange-bourbon brine on the turkey the night before and may I just say...my house smelled AMAZING. This whole "prep time" was quite humorous as it included me being elbow-deep in a bird's ass and googling "Where are the giblets!?!" In the end, I got it all figured out.

The next morning, I got up early. I rinsed the turkey and basted it with a honey mustard butter and stuffed it with a bunch of random crap. I popped that baby in the oven and a couple hours later....deliciousness. I will say, the skin ended up browning a lot faster than I would have liked. So it wasn't like...beautiful or anything. But it WAS juicy and moist and delicious. And quite frankly, that's what matters, right?

And now, some photos for your entertainment:

The good thing about using a bourbon brine, is you can drink the bourbon.

A cavity search was necessary.


If you're thinking, "Is she using a flashlight to help locate the giblets?" then you're correct.

I must say, it was a fun experience.