Sad and Disappointed

This morning I went in for labs to get my estradiol levels checked to make sure we can continue with our cycle as planned.  I was told that if my levels aren't high enough, it's possible that they might cancel the cycle at this point.  Despite hearing this, I never really thought this would happen.

I waited and waited for my doctor's office to give me a call this afternoon with my lab results.  3:00 rolled around and I still hadn't heard from them.  I sent them a message via the patient portal and my nurse quickly responded with, "I'm visiting with Dr. Brabec about your results.  I'll call you soon."  When I saw that, I had the feeling the results weren't good.  She called me a few minutes later and told me that my levels were really low.  I guess they're supposed to be between 100 and 400 and mine were at 40.  She said she thought my body was "over-suppressed" from the Lupron and that I would probably require a lower dose.  She then told me that if we were to continue with this cycle, I probably wouldn't have very many eggs for the retrieval.

So, basically, they want to stop everything now and start over.  Not only do I have to stop taking all my shots, but I also have to go back on birth control.  I can't begin to tell you how sad and disappointed I am.  I really thought I would be having my retrieval surgery next week.  Now I'm being told, it may not happen until the last week of November.  I understand that if my body isn't reacting properly, this is the best thing to do right now, but it just sucks.  A LOT.

They're supposed to call me again tomorrow so we can get things figured out.  We'll see what happens...

My Tummy is a Pin Cushion

I've been taking Lupron injections for over a week now, and it's been a piece of cake.  Truly, the needles are tiny, and you don't feel a thing when it's going in.

Today I added Gonal-F and Menopur to my daily injections.  That's...one...two...three shots!  Not only did it take 20+ minutes to mix everything up (I was a little paranoid about doing it right), but I also feel like my tummy is now a pin cushion.  I did the Gonal-F first and right away noticed a difference in the needle.  It's not that much bigger than the Lupron needle, but it is bigger, and surprisingly, I could tell.  It bled a little afterwards and was sore.  Next, I did the Menopur.  I'd heard from a friend that this one burns going in.  And that was definitely an accurate statement.  Ouch!  Finally, I ended with the Lupron, because I knew that one was easy.  And it hurt too, which shocked me because it never hurts!  I tried to use three different injection sites, but I'm wondering if I was too close to where I administered my first injection.

Anyway, this is what I get to do for the next 10 days.  I'm thinking some pre and post icing is going to be in order.

Oh well.  Could be worse...

Meds

In case you were wondering...this is what $2000 of fertility meds looks like. The four tall boxes in the back cost us  $1400.

infertile.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines infertile as: not fertile or productive; incapable of or unsuccessful in achieving pregnancy.  Dictionary.com has a similar definition, only adds the words sterile and barren.

All my life this word has been a fear of mine.  Not for any particular reason.  I didn't have any reason to believe something was wrong with me...that I couldn't have kids.  But yet, to me, it's always been one of the saddest things I could possibly imagine.  Not getting the chance to be a mom?  Literally my worst nightmare.

This nightmare became a reality to James and me this past summer.  After (roughly) a year of trying to conceive, we both started undergoing some tests.  In July, it was confirmed that we could not get pregnant on our own.  The news was, of course, devastating....yet, after a year of monthly letdowns and breakbreaks, I think we were kind of expecting to hear that.

My doctor referred us to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist), so we made an appointment with them to discuss our options.  We met with Dr. Brabec from RRC (the Reproductive Resource Center) on September 24th.  That was the day things changed for us.  We were given a sense of hope that, for a year, didn't exist in our lives.  We were told that our best (only?) bet would be to do IVF.  Again, this recommedation didn't really come as a shock to us.  It was kind of what we were expecting to hear.  Our appointment that day lasted about 3 hours.  We had our IVF consultation and also both did some tests and lab work.  When we left the doctor's office, we both knew this was what we were going to do.  It wasn't "normal" and it wasn't "fair", but it was our reality.

And that's the reality that we've been living for the last 3 weeks.  Since we have begun our IVF cycle, I've taken 50 pills, given myself 5 shots in the stomach, had my blood drawn 3 different times, had 3 ultrasounds, and one very painful procedure (sonohysterogram).  This is all just the beginning.  This Sunday, I will go from one shot a day to three.  I'm on my way to becoming a big emotional, hormonal mess.

BUT...it's all for a good reason.  And I have full confidence and faith that it will all work out for us.

2013 is going to be our year.  I really do believe it.  We will no longer have to fake smiles at our friends who excitedly annouce, "We're pregnant!"  And we will no longer have to feel the pain of another unsuccessful month rolling by. 

It's going to be our turn.  And we couldn't be more excited...

Marathon Relay

Yesterday was the big day.  I got up at 4:45 AM.  If you know me, you know that I don't do 4:45 AM.  I met up with one of my teammates, Becky, and we carpooled downtown together.  We joined the rest of the team (aside from our first leg who was already at the starting line) at the shuttle buses.  Around 6:30, we said our "good lucks" to one another and parted ways.  The next couple hours for me were spent on a bus with other people running the 3rd leg of the relay.  We were driven to our exchange points.  Since it was cold and dark outside, most of us stayed on the bus where there was heat.

I got a phone call from Mallory right around 7:30 saying she had finished the first leg of the race with a sub 25 minute time.  Woohoo!  Bobby was next and he was running a 6 mile leg, so I had about an hour before I had to run.  Around 8:15, I got out and starting stretching and warming up.  Mallory ended up joining up with me and saw me off when Bobby got to the exchange point.

I took off and tried to keep up with the pacers.  After the first mile, I started falling back a bit, but I was still running sub 9:00 minute miles (I never said I was fast).  Around mile 2, it started to get really hilly.  At first, I felt like I was doing okay, but then after a while, I was pretty sick of hills.  Around mile 3, my back and ribs started to really bother me (I've had a history of this since a bad back injury 6 years ago).  They continued to bother me for the rest of my leg and I feel like that slowed me down quite a bit.  In the end, I ended up with a time roughly around 37 minutes (a little over 9 minute mile pace).  Overall, I was pleased.

When I was done with my leg, the officials grabbed my timing chip and gave me a participation medal.  I hopped on the bus and once it was full, they took us back to the finish line where I met up with Bobby.  We watched the marathoners run in, which honestly, was a little emotional for me.  It was just so inspiring to see these people finishing strong (or not so strong for some of them) after running over 26 miles.  I can't even imagine.

Mallory and Becky met up with us and we cheered Jenna on and she came barreling down the finishing chute like a champ!  We ended up finishing in 3:54.  Not too bad.  We then went around and got some fun team pictures taken, enjoyed a post-race free beer, and then headed home.

I'll be honest, this past week was crazy (grade cards, field trips, and upcoming conferences).  I was starting to wish I wouldn't have signed up for this relay...especially when I realized how early I was going to have to get up.  But when it was all said and done, I was glad I did it.  It was a fun experience and I like being able to say "I participated in a marathon."  I don't think I'll ever have the desire to do a full marathon myself, but maybe in a few years, if my body cooperates with me, I'll try out a half.  We'll see...

And now...some pictures:

Our Team - Post Race

Kickin' Asphalt

Runners or Olympic Gymnasts?

                                                            

I won! I won!

I feel like I just won the lottery (and I never win anything)!  Those of you who are teachers know how big teaching blogs are right now.  Teachers do so much work in their classrooms and shell out a ridiculous amount of their own money (not to mention time) for their students.  Teachers Pay Teachers is a (fairly) new website where teachers can sell their lesson plans and make a bit of a profit.  A Georgian teacher, Deanna Jump, recently passed the $1 million dollar mark selling her lessons/units.  So cool!

Now, back to my original topic.  I won!!!  One of the blogs I follow, Fun in First, had a give away this week.  This teacher went all out making both reading and math assessments that align with the Common Core Standards.  Between the two of them, they are 255 pages long.  Amazing!  I can't begin to imagine how many hours went into this project.  Anyway, she gave away three of these assessment packets (worth $25).  All you had to do was comment on her blog, then she chose three lucky winners.  Over 100 people commented, and...I won!

Some of you may not be able to fully appreciate my excitement, but if you're a teacher...you probably get it.  This seriously made my day!

October Running Log

Once October hit, I kind of started freaking out.  Less than 3 weeks until this marathon relay thing!  So, I decided I should probably start running again.

10/1 - 3.64 mi

10/3 - 2.74 mi

10/4 - 1.27 mi (not much, but I was rushed on time and figured something was better than nothing)

10/7 - 3.0 mi

10/8 - 4.15 mi

10/12 - 2.5 mi
10/13 - 2.5 mi
10/14 - 2.5 mi
10/15 - 3.23 mi
10/16  - 3.0 mi
10/17 - 3.83 mi (6 days in a row...woo!)

10/20 - Race Day - 4 mi

Total mileage - 36.06 miles...not bad for three weeks!