Yesterday's "First Day of Kindergarten" experience was nearly picture perfect. Mommy was understandably an emotional wreck, but the boys were so excited and showed absolutely no anxiety about the whole thing. Dropping them off in their classrooms went great! It was only a half day, but when I picked them up, they all three were very eager to tell me all about their day.
Today was their first full day and was not so perfect. As they piled into the car during the chaos of "The Car Line", Nolan and Lucas instantly started going a mile a minute about all the new friends they had made and how much fun they had. I realized I hadn't yet heard from Ollie. I asked him how his day was and he immediately started sobbing and said "Mommy, I had a very bad day at Arbor Creek."
You guys...my heart shattered into a million pieces. As a parent, you just want everything to be perfect for your child. You don't want them to ever feel pain or sadness or loneliness.
He went on to tell me that he didn't have any friends and that he felt lonely all day. As soon as we got home, I got everyone in the house and just grabbed him and gave him the biggest bear hug I could. He told me he just wanted to snuggle so I ignored my disaster of a house, decided dinner could be a little later tonight, and I laid on the couch and just snuggled and cried with him. We talked about things he could do to make friends....specific things he could say to other kids. He's always been a bit of a loner and I genuinely have always thought that he just preferred to play by himself. Today was the first time I ever heard him say he felt lonely though.
I'm hoping it was just a long day. I know he's probably exhausted and all the big five year old feelings were probably just too much at the end of the day. We talked a lot tonight. And I chatted with his brothers and told them to check on him on the playground. I'm just praying tomorrow is better. It needs to be. I can't bear the thought of him being sad and lonely all day...
Thursday, August 16, 2018
First Day of Kindergarten
We survived our first day of kindergarten! They were so excited! They walked in with their heads held high...full of confidence. I was so proud! The only tears were Mommy’s. Nolan asked me why I kept giving him so many kisses...and Ollie told me after getting settled in...”Mommy...you can go now.” Sigh. They look so big!
Sunday, August 12, 2018
Next stop...Kindergarten
If you know me at all, you know the k-word has been one I prefer people not mention around me these days. Kindergarten. Sigh. It's been the source of a lot of mama tears these past couple months. It just seems unreal that my once tiny little preemies are now big brave five-year-olds. And while I'm so proud of the amazing little people they're becoming, my mama heart is really struggling with all this change. I mean, wasn't it just yesterday that I sat in that sterile NICU room at the end of Cactus Circle and cried and prayed for my babies to come home? Didn't they JUST take their first steps? How is it that we've now been out of diapers for YEARS?
It seems I've blinked and now they're off to big-kid school...the kind of school where they're there all day. They'll sit at a desk and be expected to raise their hand. They'll have to carry a lunch tray across the cafeteria. They will spend more time with their teachers than they will with their mommy. Ouch on that last one. What a huge blessing it has been to be home with them these past five years. The days may have been long but those years were so short. I'm glad I got to be there to experience it all. But now the time has also come for Mommy to go back to work full-time. So much change.
And it's caused me to lose sleep at night. This kindergarten anxiety hasn't seemed to faze my sweet boys, but man...it's gotten to me.
Elementary school opens so many doors to what type of person they will become. Will they join in laughing when a bully teases another kid? Or will they be that child who seeks out the lonely kid at recess and asks them to play? Or will they be the one being bullied? Will they stay true to themselves and remember that above all, kindness matters most?
Will their teacher love and appreciate all their little quirks? How Ollie doesn't really care to play with kids his age and would much rather spend time have scintillating conversations with the teachers? How Nolan tells the world's longest stories? Will she underestimate Lucas’ capabilities because he’s so small?
Will their days be mostly filled with joy? Or will they struggle with loneliness and anxiety? Will somebody give them a hug when they cry? Will somebody give ME a hug when I cry???
It's just all so much. They're so excited and I'm so grateful for that. Deep down in my heart, I know they'll be fine. They're such amazing little boys and I'm so proud of everything they've done in these short five years. I feel like this is the beginning of so many things for them. I wish them well. I hope they'll always remember those 3 simple rules from preschool...be safe, be kind, and be helpful.
Meanwhile, Mommy will be over here crying into her coffee. People argue that sending their firstborn off to kindergarten is the hardest. Others say it's toughest to send your last. Me...I'm doing both all in the same day. In just three days, I will be sending my oldest, my youngest, and my middlest off to kindergarten. And oh, there will be tears. Lots of them. Let's just hope I can hold them all back until I get to the parking lot...
It seems I've blinked and now they're off to big-kid school...the kind of school where they're there all day. They'll sit at a desk and be expected to raise their hand. They'll have to carry a lunch tray across the cafeteria. They will spend more time with their teachers than they will with their mommy. Ouch on that last one. What a huge blessing it has been to be home with them these past five years. The days may have been long but those years were so short. I'm glad I got to be there to experience it all. But now the time has also come for Mommy to go back to work full-time. So much change.
And it's caused me to lose sleep at night. This kindergarten anxiety hasn't seemed to faze my sweet boys, but man...it's gotten to me.
Elementary school opens so many doors to what type of person they will become. Will they join in laughing when a bully teases another kid? Or will they be that child who seeks out the lonely kid at recess and asks them to play? Or will they be the one being bullied? Will they stay true to themselves and remember that above all, kindness matters most?
Will their teacher love and appreciate all their little quirks? How Ollie doesn't really care to play with kids his age and would much rather spend time have scintillating conversations with the teachers? How Nolan tells the world's longest stories? Will she underestimate Lucas’ capabilities because he’s so small?
Will their days be mostly filled with joy? Or will they struggle with loneliness and anxiety? Will somebody give them a hug when they cry? Will somebody give ME a hug when I cry???
It's just all so much. They're so excited and I'm so grateful for that. Deep down in my heart, I know they'll be fine. They're such amazing little boys and I'm so proud of everything they've done in these short five years. I feel like this is the beginning of so many things for them. I wish them well. I hope they'll always remember those 3 simple rules from preschool...be safe, be kind, and be helpful.
Meanwhile, Mommy will be over here crying into her coffee. People argue that sending their firstborn off to kindergarten is the hardest. Others say it's toughest to send your last. Me...I'm doing both all in the same day. In just three days, I will be sending my oldest, my youngest, and my middlest off to kindergarten. And oh, there will be tears. Lots of them. Let's just hope I can hold them all back until I get to the parking lot...
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