Next stop...Kindergarten

If you know me at all, you know the k-word has been one I prefer people not mention around me these days. Kindergarten. Sigh. It's been the source of a lot of mama tears these past couple months. It just seems unreal that my once tiny little preemies are now big brave five-year-olds.  And while I'm so proud of the amazing little people they're becoming, my mama heart is really struggling with all this change.  I mean, wasn't it just yesterday that I sat in that sterile NICU room at the end of Cactus Circle and cried and prayed for my babies to come home?  Didn't they JUST take their first steps?  How is it that we've now been out of diapers for YEARS?

It seems I've blinked and now they're off to big-kid school...the kind of school where they're there all day.  They'll sit at a desk and be expected to raise their hand.  They'll have to carry a lunch tray across the cafeteria.  They will spend more time with their teachers than they will with their mommy.  Ouch on that last one.  What a huge blessing it has been to be home with them these past five years.  The days may have been long but those years were so short.  I'm glad I got to be there to experience it all.  But now the time has also come for Mommy to go back to work full-time.  So much change.

And it's caused me to lose sleep at night.  This kindergarten anxiety hasn't seemed to faze my sweet boys, but man...it's gotten to me.

Elementary school opens so many doors to what type of person they will become.  Will they join in laughing when a bully teases another kid?  Or will they be that child who seeks out the lonely kid at recess and asks them to play?  Or will they be the one being bullied?  Will they stay true to themselves and remember that above all, kindness matters most?

Will their teacher love and appreciate all their little quirks?  How Ollie doesn't really care to play with kids his age and would much rather spend time have scintillating conversations with the teachers?  How Nolan tells the world's longest stories?  Will she underestimate Lucas’ capabilities because he’s so small?

Will their days be mostly filled with joy?  Or will they struggle with loneliness and anxiety?  Will somebody give them a hug when they cry?  Will somebody give ME a hug when I cry???

It's just all so much.  They're so excited and I'm so grateful for that.  Deep down in my heart, I know they'll be fine.  They're such amazing little boys and I'm so proud of everything they've done in these short five years.  I feel like this is the beginning of so many things for them.  I wish them well.  I hope they'll always remember those 3 simple rules from preschool...be safe, be kind, and be helpful.

Meanwhile, Mommy will be over here crying into her coffee.  People argue that sending their firstborn off to kindergarten is the hardest.  Others say it's toughest to send your last.  Me...I'm doing both all in the same day.  In just three days, I will be sending my oldest, my youngest, and my middlest off to kindergarten.  And oh, there will be tears.  Lots of them.  Let's just hope I can hold them all back until I get to the parking lot...